herstory (TMI alert!)

I'm always uncertain how comfortable I feel discussing my past, particularly, my first marriage and our attempt at TTC (we will call husband #1 'HX'). So for the purposes of this blog, I will not go into too much detail. But it is important for me to disclose that my history with infertility began in 2005, and not just in the last 6 months since my new husband and I have been married...so that means my eighth year of struggling with infertility will come to a close in just a few short months. Hopefully, with God's help and your prayers, I will not see a ninth year.

HX and I went through a couple years of TTC naturally before moving on to a RE. After consulting with our RE, I went through the dreaded HSG test to see if my tubes were blocked, was put on clomid with stims for multiple rounds of IUI (I lost count how many IUI cycles we went through but my best guess is 6, plus one cancelled due to OHSS). All cycles resulted in BFNs, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise since my first marriage was not meant to be.

Immediately and completely unexpectedly after my divorce, I met and fell madly in love with my new husband, DH (DH = Dear Husband; I didn't make this up, it's fertility forum language). Again, without getting into TMI, I'll just say that because of my history and DH's age (he is 9 years older than me), and after a year of living a part, I moved in with him and we decided to let nature be in control of the baby department for a couple of years.

During this time, I made a trip to Urgent Care thinking I had a UTI. The test for the UTI came back negative, but as an afterthought as she was walking out the door and I was to be on my way, the doctor looked back over her shoulder and asked if I had ever been diagnosed with endometriosis (endo). I said no but mentioned some of my issues that I've experienced month after month since I was in high school, like heavy bleeding and severe cramps.  She said based on my symptoms, it sounds like that's what I have but the only way to know for sure is to have surgery (they can't see the endo from the inside during an annual exam since it grows on the outside of the uterus - and can spread and grow on the outside of other organs in the body as well).

Armed with this new information, I went through a series of emotions: 1) complete outrage that my first RE missed this diagnosis even after discussing my symptoms with her at great length, 2) incredible relief that someone finally had an answer for me about why I was in so much pain every month and 3) relief again that my first RE missed this diagnosis because my marriage with HX did not work out. At my next annual exam a few months later with my new ob/gyn, I told her about my visit to Urgent Care. We discussed treatment options but ultimately I decided I did not want to go on BCPs to treat the pain and to wait another year to have surgery.

A year later, I was ready for the surgery. I waited so long for this day and it was all over so fast. I was waiting in miserable pain in the recovery room when my doctor stopped by to tell me she had in fact found endometriosis, that it was 'moderately severe' with 'significant scarring,' that my left fallopian tube was fused to my colon behind my uterus, and that some of the endo was growing on my colon and she couldn't laser that because 'you need your colon.' (Yes, thank you, I would definitely like to keep my colon!) Oh and that she had accidentally punctured my uterus during the surgery but it was so small that it should not affect my ability to carry a baby to term and deliver naturally without a c-section. I hope she is right!

After many months of follow up treatment for my surgery, which included inducing menopause (let me tell you how fun that was!), my ob/gyn gave us the all clear to TTC on our own. Again, no BFPs. So we discussed moving on to other options. But by this time, DH had finally popped the question and we were in full wedding planning mode. While I didn't mind having a small baby bump at our wedding, I kept telling DH I did not want to be a fat bride (aka, have a baby mountain instead of a small baby bump). So finally, I agreed to go on BCPs to treat my endo symptoms (some came back after my surgery but not as severe) during the months leading up to our wedding and to prevent me from having a mountain for a belly during our wedding. Then as it got closer to our wedding, I went off the BCPs again and we still only had BFNs.

After our honeymoon, I consulted with my ob/gyn again and she suggested repeating the dreaded HSG test and putting me on clomid with timed BD for 3 months. That's not what I was expecting based on my history but I (begrudgingly) went along with it. I repeated the HSG and it was exactly the same as the one from 5 years ago: extremely painful but my tubes were clear. After 2 months on the recommended clomid with BFNs each time, DH and I consulted with a RE (at a different specialty clinic from where I went the first time with HX). He went over our medical history, all of our options for treatment, and the associated costs. DH and I made a decision and are moving forward with the guidance of our RE. I will let you know in the next couple weeks which option we chose, whether it's the same as what my ob/gyn suggested, and how it's going.

Thank you for your support as we continue on our journey to someday bring home our bundle of joy!